Turning Your Man (Light) On

There may be a reason why you aren't meeting the man of your dreams

by Anna David

By now, you know the scenario.

You're out at night. Little black dress? Check. Mascara? Double check. Christ, you even shaved your legs and straightened your hair. Got the group of girlfriends, the Cosmos -- whatever it is that makes you feel and know you're primed and ready to have the Man of Your Dreams approach you, take your hand, and lead you down the path of Everlasting Bliss.

There's just one problem. That man never materializes.

What in the hell is wrong with men today? Perhaps, you theorize, they're all intimidated by your fabulousness. You look damn good, after all. You've got the job. You emanate success. You scare them, right?

Well, you might--but probably not for the reasons you think. According to Nancy Slotnick, a Harvard-educated dating coach who runs the Cablight dating service, the problem may well be you. What sounds at first like bad news, however, is the very opposite: there's something you can do, you see, to change your dating luck. It's not that you don't have the goods, Slotnick explains; it's just that you may not know what to do with them. You have to, in other words, put your cablight on.

"Women go out at night and think, 'How come guys don't come up to me?'" says Slotnick, who's married to a psychotherapist and owned a dating café called Drip on New York's Upper West Side in the late nineties. "But it's more the woman's job to put the signal out there. Whether it's a smile or just eye contact, women should be giving tacit permission--sort of saying, 'If you approach me, you're not going to get rejected.'"

None of this is new, Slotnick is quick to point out. "In the 50s, women dropped their handkerchief or pen," she notes. "But since feminism, the age-old rituals have gotten a little lost in the blurring of gender roles."

Slotnick developed her theory in part through her first-hand experiences in dating--she met people through her dating café, although she confesses that it was "a little embarrassing to have dates in front of my staff"--as well as through the anthropological data she studied at Harvard and her years as a dating coach. Landing on Oprah helped her get a book deal and the book, Turn Your Cablight On: Get Your Dream Man in 6 Months or Less, brought her even closer to the latest incarnation of her business, which includes a Facebook application.

When women see guys on Facebook that they want to date, all they have to do is add the cablight application to meet them. And unlike most everything else on Facebook, what you do with Cablight is your own business; in other words, your closest 988 friends aren't going to be reading about it on the newsfeed.

Slotnick is also always looking for women to feature in her most eligible program. While there is a fee, the 20 women that Slotnick selects are pushed to get into a serious relationship within six months or less. Rest assured, there's work involved (you're required to spend 15 hours a week on your quest) but, Slotnick explains, the program works for a good 90% of the girls.

With a Cablight show currently in development and a flourishing private practice, Slotnick is quite busy helping women across the globe find the men of their dreams. But if you can't afford her rates (note: her expertise doesn't come cheap) and don't see anyone on Facebook that captures your fancy, you can still heed her best bit of advice and flash the guy who catches your eye your best pearly whites.

"Give him the smile that says, 'I'm checking you out,'" Slotnick says. "Smile with your eyes, raise your eyebrows. Some women," she adds, "can even pull off a wink."