Frustrated Husband Responds!!!

JOHN:  I feel that I must defend myself against the slander, lies, and hypocrisy treacherously printed in my wife Amy's last blog entry.  I'm referring specifically to her charge that, the longer she's married, the fewer nice gifts, dinners and compliments she receives. I will address these one at a time:

1.  Dinners:  I'd kill to eat out more. It's YOU who INSISTS we eat at home.  Whenever I suggest going to a restaurant, you've got some excuse:  "I can't go out to eat now, I'm not dressed for it and I don't feel like changing"; "I think I'm lactose intolerant or maybe I have irritable bowel syndrome... I better not tonight":  "Why waste money on some stupid restaurant when my cooking's ten times better." And it's not just dining out.  I've begged you at least fifty times to let me take you dancing at a new dance club that's literally around the corner from our apartment. And what about the dozen or so trendy new wine bars in our neighborhood? Again, you've got excuses:  "It's too crowded!  We'll have to stand all squished in with other people.  I really don't feel like being around human beings right now."

2.  Gifts:  OK, it's true, five years ago I'd always pick out very nice, expensive gifts for you and now, I don't as much. But why? Because every holiday--for the past four years!--you've literally dictated to me exactly what to buy for you. Whenever I hint that I might pick something out on my own, you panic:  "Don't get me jewelry, I have way too much jewelry--and I never even wear it"; "Don't get me anything from that store, it's a total rip off and they have a terrible return policy!" So now, I just buy what you tell me to buy. And if you were honest, you'd admit that it still--two years into marriage--averages out to at least one new item (or gift) per week. Why is it that husbands are expected to buy their wives whatever they want, but none of it can be considered a gift? Somehow it's all just part of the everyday "husband-wife deal."  

3.  Compliments:  Everyday, I email you and tell you how much I love you and miss you. Every night, when I walk in the door, I tell you how "pretty" or "sexy" or "beautiful" you look. But you don't even notice. Yet if any outside person gives you a compliment, you go out of your way to remark on how sweet that person is, even though I've told you the same thing a thousand times. Apparently, the day I became your husband, my compliments became worthless.

Now, let's examine this doozy:  "I hate it when John appears content, comfortable or relaxed in this marriage..."  Yes, God forbid I should ever relax or feel content or comfortable in my marriage. Look Your Highness, people are supposed to grow in a relationship. The "courtship" is over. Marriage is not supposed to be a one-sided wife-worshipping sucking-up that you demand from your "Gentleman Caller." Men pay these dues in the beginning of a relationship in order to earn the reward of marriage--a mutual sharing of lives, a pairing of two souls to face the world together as one bonded family. What you're actually saying is that you miss dating because the men would suck-up to you like crazy, while nothing was expected of you in return.  To you, "dating really is the fun part of life" because you don't have to give anything. Believe it or not, some people find the giving part of a marriage just as fun as the receiving part. (Oh grow up readers, there was no sex implied in that sentence, I'm being serious here!)

Sure, two people who live together are bound to fall into routines, pick up some bad habits and maybe even take each other for granted from time to time. So WE ALL miss the "newness" of dating and the excitement of the unexpected. But in my mind, the advantages of marriage far outweigh the disadvantages. (I'll list these advantages in a future posting when I'm not feeling so taken for granted.)

Oh, and maybe you should show a little cleavage to your husband once in a while! Did you ever think of that?