I'll see your dumb movies, if you'll see mine

How can we have a movie date night, when we never want to see the same movie?

AMY: My husband John loves movies, very bad ones. When we see previews, I always know exactly what sparks his interest: car chases, spaceships, explosions, fart jokes, monsters, wizards, disasters, dragons, submarines, robots, military espionage etc. You get the picture--dumb crap.

I don't think his taste has changed, evolved, or improved since he was twelve. Like most guys, his two favorites are "Star Wars" and "Raiders of the Lost Ark." Don't get me wrong; both are fun, classic movies. But, come on! I can't believe I was forced to suffer through those last two "Star Wars" sequels (or were they prequels?  whatever--who cares?! ) They were forgettable, and a complete waste of my money and TIME!  I want to be a good wife and a good sport, but I'm not sure how much more I can take.

When the new "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" came out recently, I knew John would expect me to rush out and see it with him. I even caught him listening to the old "Raiders of the Lost Ark" soundtrack to get "psyched-up." I pretended to share his enthusiasm, but I was faking. And just as I expected, it wasn't great.

I prefer smarter, smaller independent films--about real people and human stories.  If I see a preview for a foreign film about two elderly women living by the sea, I think, "Hey--that looks very interesting." (Meanwhile, John groans.) I also love almost any story of forbidden love set in London, Paris or Munich. And if it takes place in the nineteenth century, better still.

But I'll admit it; I do have some pretty mainstream tastes too, so I intend to see "Sex and the City" now that the dust has settled and I won't have to wait in line with lots of rowdy, drunk women. But John has already said, "Amy, you can't expect me to see that silly chick movie and still respect myself."

But bottom-line, my husband owes me. So he'll see "Sex and the City" and he'll like it damn it.

John: Once again, slander and lies are the tools of Amy's trade as she try's to pigeon hole me as the typical male meathead moviegoer. What car chases? What fart jokes?  My "All time Greatest Movie" list is filled with "smarter, smaller independent films" (i.e. "Secrets and Lies," "Crimes and Misdemeanors," "Ordinary People").

Just because I laughed out loud during the "Borat" naked wrestling motel room scene, I'm somehow less of a "film connoisseur" than you? You, who's watched  "Strange Days" 3 times to ogle your precious Ralph Fiennes?  (By the way, that terrible movie's considered sci-fi/fantasy so does that make you a dork?)

My problem is that I'm too easy when it comes to the movies. I enjoy the entire movie  "experience": the walk to the theater, the $28 "Hot Dog Combo #3," the freaks dressed up as Professor Dumbledore, the 14 previews. It's true, I'll sit through almost anything, but that's because I love movies and I'm always optimistic about the next giant summer blockbuster. 

I cling to the idea that if over 200 people collaborate on a project spanning 2½ years, spending over $170 million, something worthwhile will come of it.  49 out of 50 times, I'm disappointed (and then Amy berates me for an hour, "Great choice--what a total waste of my time!!!, etc.) but that 1 time out of 50 (Yes "Star Wars," "Raiders of the Lost Ark," even "Gladiator") is pure magic--and that's why I drag my wife along. I don't want Amy to miss the magic.

As for owing you, I feel that I've sat through enough "elderly women chatting by the sea" movies ("Ladies in Lavender," being the most obvious offender) to make us dead even at this point. If you expect me to endure "Sex and the City" then just know that you may be returning to Hogwarts come November.