Sexual Dilemma

Having sex with your husband--as your mother-in-law sleeps in the next room--can feel a little...wrong!

Q: Dear Amy vs. John: My mother-in-law visits us approx. 5-7 times a year from Ohio (usually staying for just a few days, but sometimes up to a week or so). Luckily, we all get along great, and she has her own guestroom and bathroom. Everyone's pretty comfortable--until the lights go out. My husband is such a pervert! He gets more sex-crazed than ever when his mom's in the next room. The more I say, "Are you nuts?!--your mother will hear us!" the more he gets turned on. Sometimes I give in, but I'm always so embarrassed during breakfast. Help?!

(submitted by Randi summarized above)

A: JOHN: I know I'm supposed to say something wise here, and point out that your husband is simply reliving the dangerous excitement of his teenage years, and that the idea of getting caught by his mother is obviously a big turn on--but YIKES! I'm with you. I think your husband's a freak! To get extra turned on when your own sweet, elderly mother is on the other side of the wall is just plain creepy. (So much for the expert advice.) I know my mother will be very pleased to read this: I do not empathize with his feelings!

A: AMY: Ha! Are you sure about that John? Really sure? Think back...way back.  Nothing? (We'll discuss this off-blog later.) I'll just play along with your hypocritical "I'm such a perfect, decent guy" routine, to be polite. But I remember you being a bit "inappropriate" yourself when others were "on the other side of the wall." OK, maybe it wasn't specifically your mother, but whatever, forget it. My advice: BIG DEAL. Listen, I'm not condoning your husband's slightly weird, sleazy behavior (he should probably cut it out) but honestly, I don't think it's the end of the world. There are many worse things he could be doing. As John correctly points out, your husband just enjoys the wicked thrill of doing something  "so wrong." In terms of being embarrassed--don't be. You're married, after all. Hopefully, she's a sound sleeper, like my own mother.  When she's visiting, I could have a three-ring circus perform in our bedroom, and she'd snore right through it.